I'm a 19 year old male and have always have been a "wild child" had many friends, loved my life and had too much confidence which sometimes got me into trouble. I'm used to positive surroundings and drunken parties.

I've been living in Auckland (NZ) the whole of my life and was moving down south to pursue a "student life" at a college. during the year when i moved i was doing a lot of the drug ectasy (ectasy removes seretonin from your brain) seretonin is the chemical which your brain makes, low levels are linked with depression. As i dont have a high tollerecy to drugs about a 6 weeks before i moved i felt a mild depression coming on, feeling of i wasnt myself and paranioa.

When i did move, my whole life was turned upside down as the institutionalisation came into play. I had no parents, no friends, no nice car, no nice house but just cold cold weather. Everyday was dark and morbid, i would isolate myself, i couldnt even talk to people if i did i would get hot and nerveous and just want to get out and be by myself. Being here means i have no one to turn to for support i feel like im in this battle totally alone.

its been 6 months and i am still battling this depression and know that it not directly from the move although i think it just triggered it. As days passed and after a anxiety attack i finally decided to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, he prescribed medication although i dont believe this is the right thing for me. I know it will pass with time but every day is just so hard especially with the weight of exams breathing down my back. I have had reguler thoughts of suicide but i always try and keep positive, telling myself it will pass. lately the pain has eased a trickle but i have regular episodes. Ironically i stumbled across a shop sign today it said: "in order to be a future success one must not dwell on present defeat." Revolution is never giving up the fight...

Aaron