I am 21 and have been battling depression on and off for 6 years. I often get so angry with myself because I don't understand why I am not normal. I always have panic attacks that make me scared to even leave the house. My husband does not understand it he thinks I am just lazy and that hurts. I had tried to commit suicide when I was 18 by overdosing. Now I at least realize I do not want to die. Sometimes I feel so high and happy and that I love life then the next day it's the exact opposite. My weight constantly goes up and down. I have a four month old daughter and I am so scared that she will think I'm strange when she's old enough to understand things. I often get irritable and say mean things to my husband. It's like I can't control my thoughts. The sad thing is I know ways to overcome depression and I just don't them. Such as: excercising, making myself get up and do things, eating right, praying. I guess I have tried so many medicines and so many things but it just keeps coming back that I have just given up. I hope someday I can overcome this. This is the first time I've ever seen this website and I hope it can help me.

Meegan

I can't say I know of anything that works for me. All I know right now is that after probably suffering from depression for all of my adult life and most likely through most of my childhood I have had to accept it. I suppose, or at least I hope that this is the first step. All my life I have been beset with a feeling of inadequacy, of inferiority. This is with me today. The last 5 years of my life have been hell. I have always been self employed and in a business which is competitive to say the least, but to me everyone in it seems to be better at it than I am. I can't reconcile this with the fact that I owned and ran one the best respected businesses in my region for some considerable time and I was asked to sit on various bodies related to my industry.

Four years ago my wife moved away. We knew this would happen..we had planned it. Because of international laws related to her son by her first marriage it was imperative that he be allowed to have a court hearing in his own country (USA). My wife and I planned it, saved for it. 4 years ago she left with my stepson and our own son who was then only 3. She found a house and settled down. I was supposed to move there in about 2 years. We won the case. My son (I think and act as if he were mine) won his case. He wanted simply to live with his mother and be allowed out of the country he had been forced to live in (where my wife and I met). He is a free young man now, coming on 16 and doing fine. Our other son is now 7 and so bright. I never made it to the USA. Depression set in like a never ending typhoon, whirling me around, lifting me up and throwing me down. I blamed my sadness on being apart from my wife and children, but deep down I knew it was more. My wife had even told me before she left that I was depressive. I used alcohol as a self medication (I stopped that last year). Last year I went through a major depressive period without alcohol. It was physically painful. I seriously thought that at any time I would shatter like crystal into a thousand pieces.

I felt so proud when suddenly it lifted, just as fast as morning mist and the sun came out. I was scheduled to go home for Xmas to see my wife and children. I was elated that I wouldn't be carrying a heavy black dog with me.


In the 4 years that have passed my business has gone from bad to worse. I am in a business that deals with people. For ages now I have feared contact with them. Although I have reasonably managed the affairs that they have given to me to look after I have been paralysed to find new customers and my lack of meetings with clients has meant that many have found other advisers. Now still apart, the dreaded feelings have come back, almost 6 months after they left.

Yesterday I shivered in my small apartment, shivered through a feeling of absolute terror that I would fail in the very near future, that my wife and children would move on and leave me behind shaking. That I would drift into oblivion. This morning I made an appointment with a doctor someone has recommended. Tomorrow I see him. I have a dread of taking drugs. Is that part of not wanting to recognise that I am a depressive? I have tried in the last few good months to find a job, rather than working on my own (5 years ago I employed 7 people)all my approaches have been declined.

This is not exactly an uplifting tale but I am reaching out to just find confirmation that others have been there and have at least been able to come to like themselves again. I feel that I have let my family down, although I am still supporting them and that at my age (54) there is little chance of getting my financial solidity back again. Last year I handed everything we owned to be placed in trust for my wife and boys in case I failed at least they would be safe.

I can cry but it doesn't make me feel better. I live far away from all my family and there is nobody here I can talk to about this. Someone tell me that it is possible to make it go away.

Richard

I think what helps me with overcoming depression is people who are encouraging in hope. They don't believe in suicide, they believe in forgiveness, they don't blame the person with depression for having an illness. I try to exercise and take care of my sleep habits. I am just now admitting my illness to an employer. If they don't want me, then it is not a good fit. Be true to yourself, everyone with depression is unique and valuable.

Angela

I am 47m years old and have been married to someone with bi-polar personality disorder for three years. I am very very very confused as she is, according to the therapist, she is approaching paranoia. and she is acting and saying a lot of things that hurt. In fact she has even threatened my life and has become verbally and physically abusive. I am at my ropes end and am hoping I can get some advise for overcoming this depression from anyone. I am looking for people who can relate to this following my own therapist advise. Will someone please help???

Thanks,

Gerardo

What works for me in overcoming depression is people. I have to be around people, being alone does not work. I like to talk to people, email people, chat with people. I feed off people. Another thing that I find is working for me is, my puppy. I have a 3 month old puppy I have to watch and nurture every day. I have to get up and make sure he is fed, make sure he gets out doors for his exercise etc. He makes me do things for him that are good for me also. He is my pal.

Ann

Depression can be a chain around your neck keeping you back while life passes you by. I don't know about you, but that sounds depressing to me! That's why I use positive thinking and humor to stave off depression. It turns out that I am highly sensitive to meds so I cannot use them to treat this illness. However, with all the side effects those meds can cause that may be a blessing in disguise for me. I thank God for helping me see how to change the way I think to keep the bite of depression from sinking in too deep. I may never shake off depression completely, but with the proper attitude I am better able to manage it.

~D

Hello everyone,

One thing that I have found to be a very powerful way to cope with feelings of depression is to turn to the expressive arts for support. Music, art, poetry, etc., can be powerful ways to get your feelings out. I love songwriting and have written my most powerful stuff when I have felt the most down. I find that playing it for others (I am a therapist) helps them to see that they are not the only ones that feel that way sometimes.

Don't be afraid to share your feelings! You'll feel better!

Matt

1. Reaching out to others
2. Therapy
3. persomal care
4. Realizing it is not my fault

Audrey

I've had a world of bad in my 46 yrs, and so little good. The only good in my life, was giving birth to my four children and trying very hard to protect them. I can write a book. My middle name is depression, has been for so long, hiding has been my best solution, only now, I see my daughter following my footsteps. A long road of abuse is not easy to forget, it lingers like a bad seed. When I find the courage to get out of this 4th bad marriage, I know my daughter well be happy, more for me, than for her. I have decided to seek help, so I can help her to. I have read some of the stories and they are helpful, THANK YOU ALL FOR SHAREING.
Brownie

I'm a 19 year old male and have always have been a "wild child" had many friends, loved my life and had too much confidence which sometimes got me into trouble. I'm used to positive surroundings and drunken parties.

I've been living in Auckland (NZ) the whole of my life and was moving down south to pursue a "student life" at a college. during the year when i moved i was doing a lot of the drug ectasy (ectasy removes seretonin from your brain) seretonin is the chemical which your brain makes, low levels are linked with depression. As i dont have a high tollerecy to drugs about a 6 weeks before i moved i felt a mild depression coming on, feeling of i wasnt myself and paranioa.

When i did move, my whole life was turned upside down as the institutionalisation came into play. I had no parents, no friends, no nice car, no nice house but just cold cold weather. Everyday was dark and morbid, i would isolate myself, i couldnt even talk to people if i did i would get hot and nerveous and just want to get out and be by myself. Being here means i have no one to turn to for support i feel like im in this battle totally alone.

its been 6 months and i am still battling this depression and know that it not directly from the move although i think it just triggered it. As days passed and after a anxiety attack i finally decided to see a doctor and was diagnosed with depression, he prescribed medication although i dont believe this is the right thing for me. I know it will pass with time but every day is just so hard especially with the weight of exams breathing down my back. I have had reguler thoughts of suicide but i always try and keep positive, telling myself it will pass. lately the pain has eased a trickle but i have regular episodes. Ironically i stumbled across a shop sign today it said: "in order to be a future success one must not dwell on present defeat." Revolution is never giving up the fight...

Aaron

I discovered one day that the mood swings were actually helping with my creativity, even though they were making me feel awful. I am a writer/artist, and analyzing my intense emotions allowed me to open up more in my writing and art.

I also discovered that one of the best ways to stop yourself from sinking is to do something positive for the community. Psychology and creativity being my favorite topics, I got a friend and my mother to help me put together a website to help people with mental disorders re-discover their creativity.

This blog has been so uplifting to read. Thanks so much for such a wonderful gift.

Love,
Margaret
http://www.enervive.com

I am a 45-year-old woman who has suffered depression on and off since adolescence, when my father died after a long illness. I turned a corner about 10 years ago. A close friend died of cancer, and her death really did teach me to be grateful just to be here, to be alive, and it made me look at all the blessings in my life.

But then the depression came on full force when my dear mother had cancer in 1999. The good news is, she's alive and well at 83! But that spring after her operation, I started having strange physical symptoms. I ended up going to a neurologist with them, even, because my head felt like it was burning in spots. I also found it impossible just to walk around the block all of a sudden, and I've always been moderately active. I was exhausted, and sometimes I'd get dizzy, and that scared me, especially if I was driving and my kids were with me. Finally, I had a full-blown anxiety attack. I really thought I was going to die! I couldn't breathe!

The neurologist, one of the best in our city, ruled out anything physical. What I had was "just" anxiety and depression. I started seeing a good counselor and taking an antidepressant, Celexa. I also took Xanax for awhile -- just half a pill once a day, but it helped when I got that spooky fear that I might hurt myself. Thank God I never did, but that fear was something else. I also thank God that my husband was there for me during this time -- literally there when I got that feeling, which eventually went away.

The counselor felt that my mother's having cancer had brought out a fear that I would lose Mom, too, that it kind of took me back to adolescence for awhile, when I lost my father and it was so painful. I think she (the counselor) was right.

When I was scared and going through this depression, I was blessed to find out that others had been through it, too. It was as if others lifted their masks and let me see their pain and struggles. One woman whose son had been killed in an accident several years ago (thus, her depression and anxiety) said about panic attacks, "It's just a panic attack! It's not real!" When she told me that, it meant something, because she had had them, too, and she knew they felt very real.

My counselor recommended a book that helped. It's called the Anxiety Workbook, and the author is a Dr. Bourne. It is a workbook, with lots of questions for us to answer, but it has a very comforting and nurturing tone to it. I used that book a little, and I kept a journal.

Opening up to friends really helped. One morning I couldn't get out of bed and a good friend called to see how I was. She's so funny. She said, "Do you want me to come over and crawl in bed with you and cry?" She didn't, but it sure was a sweet offer!

Like I said, that major depression was when I realized that we all wear masks, even though we all long to toss them off and admit our fears and frailties.

My faith helped me then because I could not believe that the God I know did not want me to live and find joy again. As I worked through the depression I could see there must have been a reason I had to experience it, although it was awful.

At 45, I am a different and stronger person -- most of the time, anyway. I went back on Celexa for a brief while when my teenager was going through an eating disorder; I just couldn't fight the fear and anxiety on my own. Like others on this blog, I am an overachiever and expect way too much of myself, which doesn't help at all.

I am not on an antidepressant now, but I am going through a rough time emotionally and have been since before Christmas. I am trying to remember the lessons I learned in 1999, and I am trying to stay in touch with God through prayer and reading and remembering not to isolate myself from people who do care about me. I think it is "just" a mid-life crisis of sortsl; maybe I'm sad because I'll soon be sending my oldest off to college! I am trying to "keep the faith" that there will be a lasting faith and joy and my future. I have not been failed yet.

God bless you all, and thanks for listening.

--Susan

Overcoming Depression Help

I wish to have my self being back to normal as before, but I don't know what to do. I am a filipino and i got this type of problem which is hard for me to handle Because I don't what I'm supposed to do.and hope you can help me with overcoming depression. Thank you .

Dan