Sharing and Reaching Out

hi, i'm a 19 yr old girl who is constantly in depression since i was a child ,my parents and me never had a close relationship,dad was always bullying us by controlling our lives, by us i mean my mom ,my brother and me,my brother is an angel compared to me ,he is 4 yrs younger than me, dad always decided what i had to do or not,i didn't realise that i was depressed until i was at the gae of 17 when i decided to talk about my problems to a nun who was doing counselling at my school,when i talked to her i felt relieved and realised that i was a depressed child and i had never cured myself,instead it had been deteriorating ,i had developed a low self - esteem of myself since i was a child ,i let people bullying me and tell me anything,i was so depressed that i never saw me as a pretty girl,i never had a bf ,i was jeolous of my friends who had but couldn't tell them,i didn't know how to dress myself and still dress myself badly and tell myself that i'm ugly and like a devil,i had faith in god for 2 yrs and did all my prayer but afterwards i don't know what happenend and i stopped praying and start doing all kinds of bad actions,i needed people to give me attention ,this is y i always tell people exagerated stories abt me if ever dad has beaten me so that i can get the pity of others ,to get their attention too,i stole monet from my parents rooma nd grand-ma too and bought jewellery,girls in my class liked my jewels and i was glad to get the attention ,i don't like to be the centre of sttention ,i know what i'm saying is strange but i don't like being popular,i have no hobby at all,i don't know anything except dreaming about actors whom i see in films and make them my boyfriends in my dreams ,its always the same and i still do these dreams, since at home we r not so close i never did tell my parents how much i was suffering,i even attempted suicide several times but nobody found out and they were not that serious ,so i escaped.

as i told u at the age of 17 i started to talk to a nun and she helped me to a great extent and i was determine to change my life ,i read several books on how to have confidence and high self-esteem but i didn't find anything ,actually i was looking for a magic solution but of course u cannot get it from books,i stopped reading those books 1 yr later,the nun left school and i didn't get any contact with her,there was another counsellor who came and i had to tell her again my whole story ,she helped me too by listening and i had stopped attempts of suicide but unfortunately she got sick and had to leave too,i remain in touch with her but cannot talk to her about my problems since she has problems too,finally i started to surf on the net and look for sites for depressed people ,i found many but i didn't get what i wanted really ,and theni found this blog and now i'm telling my story,now i am still low in self esteem and i want someone whom i can talk and guide me ,i cannot go toA a psychologist because my parenst will know and it will end up ina fight. so i really want to talk to someone ,this might help me too as i don't have too many friends too,

so e-mail me if u want to know something or share something with me,i will be glad to do so.

Rucksaar

Exercise Reduces Need For Medication

I want to share my story of how I am coping with depression and weaning off medication.

I was diagonised with severe depression couple of years ago. The doctor put me on Prozac and I was doing fine. But whenever I try to reduce the medication my depression comes back. Later I decided to be a part of my healing process.
 
I jog on treadmill early morning for 40 minutes and work out a sweat. Since then I have successfully reduced the dosage of medication from 20mg per day to 20 mg alternate days. Now I take 20mg every 3 days
and hoping to reduce it further and finally   get out of medication and lead a normal life like everybody else.

Thanks.

 

Sia

Please Share

ANYBODY INTERESTED IN SHARING THEIR PAIN OF DEPRESSION / OCD WITH ANOTHER DEPRESSED PERSON PLEASE SHARE IT HERE WITH ME.

 

Sharon

Need Fellowship

I am suffering from depression and obsessive compulsive disorder since the past 7-8 yrs. I am a girl from India, and feel more helpless in my bouts of depression because of nobody around me with whom I could actually sharewhat i feel, i feel so lonely in such cases, though my family members are v good. I can't afford regular visits to a psyciatrist. I'm looking for a friend across the seven seas with whom i could share my pain, who has gone through something similar and who can also share her/ his experience with me thru the net.

 

Shruti

Just Sharing My Story

Hello, I am, Johanna Mora, an 19 year old girl who has lost her spirit to live and enjoy the true beauty in life. I have always been the type of person that has a great attitude towards everything and everyone that she meets. I am tha kind of person that normally would not fall into a depressive state of mind, although I believe ever since I have been involved with an older man it has kind of hurt my whole being. I met this man when I was 17 years old while I was working at my second job at a bathing suit and accessories store, my first job was clerical receptionist/warranty asst. @Chrylser.

 

I took the habit of smoking as a way to cope with issues of back-stabbing friends and relationship lies with the opposite sex. There was a point that I recall that I would even smoke a pack of cigarrettes a day while working both jobs and babysitting my younger siblings because my parents went to Mexico. I also recall that is when I really began to heaveanly rely on this man's help emotionally and his services to bring my family and I food because I was way to tired to go out and buy it. I have always spoiled my little brothers because I never had anyone to do that fo me so I was really spoiling myself at the same time and it would feel empowering.

 

The main point is that eventually I began a serious relationship with this man whom I come to later find out has many dirty secrets that are not regular when you meet someone regardless their age or preference. I found out that he was really attracted and interested to a younger kind of crowd because he would reveal information about things that I was open to because of my age and he would somehow imitate mannerisms of young people behavior. For Instance, he would sometimes say shut-up or chew gum with his mouth open, I mean that to me was fully disguisting because I did'nt do it and I knew better. All in all, I fell in love with the person he was, but now am disallusioned because of all the things I later come to find out. So I cry myself to sleep every night and really hurt for this man that really had no regard for me, but took advantage of me. He knew that I was vulnerable and cradled me into his arms instead of back to health.

Hopefully, I'll get my piece of mind back, but until then I truly regret not listening to the advice of my parents-who I love, but haven't expressed it greatly to them because of my position.

Johanna

Right Medication

I am finally, finally, finally feeling like the demon of depression is lifting and it is due to the right medication.  I know that anti-depressants are not the "be all and end all" to depression -- I am also seeing a therapist and trying to eat right, exercise right, meditate, etc.  But really, truly, for me, the right antidepressants make all the rest of it work and "stick." 

It has been a hard struggle from the time people suggested I try antidepressants and I became furious, to admitting I needed something, about four years ago.  Well I feel like I've tried them all - prozac, zoloft, wellbutrin, paxil, lexapro, effexor, and others.  Some didn't work, some I didn't like the side effects.  But finally I found one that works.  I know medication won't work for everyone but it did work for me.  The key was seeing a psychiatrist I trusted ... my regular physicians didn't know the medications that well and were leery to prescribe some of them.  The other key was reminding myself, it was not "me" it was a disease or a condition that could be treated just like anything else. 

cheers,

Rachel

Exercise & Nutrition

I'm a 41 year-old unemployed engineer, finally finishing a Bachelor's degree. I have been depressed for at least 25 years, since I severely injured my back at age 15. I was raised in a very abusive family and was not given any medical treatment, so I lived in chronic pain until age 25.

 

I was finally able to get medical care for my back when I started working in the U.S. defense industry. However, my spinal pain was then replaced by neurological trauma. I was tortured for over two years by the U.S.  government, who used infrasound and modulated ultrasound (and possibly other things)to experiment on my mind and nervous system. Several attempts were made to kill me using some especially horrifying psychological techniques. In the last 9 years since getting out of the defense industry, I have been regularily harrassed by the local police and sheriff's departments, anomg other law enforcement agencies. I have told some people about my experiences, but I am either disbelieved or laughed at and told that I "deserved it". I have not been able to get any help from either psychologists or psychiatrists.

 

So, what keeps me alive? Hard exercise and good nutrition. I find if I do enough aerobic exercise each day, I can eventually feel well enough to endure another day. I don't believe there is any God or after-life. That helps me realize the importance of this life, the only eternity any of us will ever have, and how important it is to take every opportunity to live when we are able. Never give up on yourself! Never stop fighting for the life you deserve! Do what you can on the bad days, and do as much as you can on the good days. Above all else, believe in your right to exist and your intrinsic value. Only truly human beings give any meaning to this universe - that's how important you are! Good luck to each of you.

Paul

Life Is A Beautiful Thing

I have been and seen so much. I use what I have had in the past to overcome
what I have now. I use expieriences to get thorough what seems so hopeless
at times. I journal thoughts and moods that only stay in that journal entry.
I look forward to the next minute if need be. I look forward to what I have
accopmlised as a woman. In times of relaps I force my self to remember only
what makes me feel worth the while to come out of what only brings me down.
Face reality instead of living in a fantasy world. Keep a picture of my son
with me and when i feel bad look at it and remember what thinks the world of
me when I feel like I aint shit.

I have overcome some serious times of depression in my life. When the entire
being around me but my journal and one friend and a chaplin turned their
back on me for who I was as a person because of a wrongful action I'd
endulged in. I was in serious hopeless mode. I walked around with only my
feet and the few feet ahead of me to look at. It was only the meer thoght of
my son and his outlook on his own mother that gave me the strength to pick
up the pieces and move on. I held my head up high I started to smile and
things turned around. Everything that seemed so gone did a complete 180
infront of me day by day. I only kept those very things with me to live each
day and I got a lot of respect and I grew up a little after that.

I am 22 years old and a mother of a beautiful baby boy named, Gavin Dax
Gilbert. The one thing in my life that I can honesly truly be proud of and
commend my self time and time againe for. I believe that everything in life
happens for a reason and with that I am able to depict things in life that I
never was able to prior to some of the things I have over came since I've
had my son. I grew up! I faced my fears and lived through them rather than
push it away for a later relaps and worse off depression that I'd started
out with.

Life is a beautiful thing and it has so much for you to just make it even
through the day that we always seem to dismiss at a time of a depressed
state of mind. It always at its worst before it gets better.

Evelyn